I’m a deadbeat brother and I resent family reunions I feel like i’m surrounded by people who have no intention on getting to know me or who I truly am. They were emptying me like a bottle of wine that you drink to say hello to your soul. While my mother was battling lupus, my brothers and sister disappeared like flowers during winter or like birds migrating to find warmth for the season. After our mom died I tried to be pretend I was a good brother who was always around and I stayed there like a soldier waiting for the next command to move. It was like I was in the military signing my life over to help the keep the country safe.
My mother was my all and I would stand in the frontline of battle just to keep her safe from anything that would destroy who she was, in life I wish diseases were like people you could cut them off at anytime. Eventually I told all of my siblings I wanted to go back to the way things were before our mom died where we acted as if we were strangers walking past each other moving forward with life not caring that we were no longer in eachothers lives. I always wanted to connect with my fathers side of the family , to fill a void in my heart. It always seemed that when I tried filling the cracks, I always still felt empty inside like everything was getting heavier in life.I didn’t reconnect with them until the same day my mother had passed via facebook, it was like I lost something then regained a piece of my father that I had always longed for. From the age of 2 to 25 I always knew they existed but they never knew that Ken Butler was even a person and I intended on changing that and this journey to put these shattered fragments together still continues.